by Craig Mayes on July 15th, 2011

About 15 years ago I was urged by someone wiser than me to spend more time reading the Gospels- Matthew, Mark, Luke, John. Since my faith (and life) is based and centered on Jesus, it made sense to spend time looking at his life, what he did and what he said. Since then, I have always been reading in one of the gospels. I know that at times I have neglected the rest of the Bible, but in doing this I came to see that I had distorted Jesus, tamed him, “Christianized” him, and as a result, often failed to actually follow him. My rediscovery of Jesus continues almost every time I read some portion of the accounts of his life and teaching. It is one of the truly amazing things about the Bible- familiar passages can be like new no matter how many times I have read them. And I have lost count of how many times I have read the Gospels.

 

This morning I read a portion of John 12. Typically I read until something grabs me- it challenges or convicts, or surprises me. I stop there, think more about it, try to square it with my life, and then write about it in my journal.  This is what stopped me this morning:

 

The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.  John 12:25-26

 

Two thoughts hit me. First, how much I love my life. How often I choose for me. Truthfully, how often I think I choose almost automatically without even thinking about it- don’t realize that I am choosing. Autopilot. Life’s about me. My comfort. My time. My well-being. I’m at the center of my immediate experience and I don’t even see it. And Jesus says that life is a dead end.  What he offers??? It would be stupid to turn it down. If I learn to “hate my life in this world”- that is to choose his path, his will, his plan- even when it is difficult, painful, inconvenient, I will find true life- life that begins now and never ends. How stupid I would be to say “thanks, but no thanks”. How short-sighted. Do I believe this? Does my believing it impact how I live?

The second thought hit me harder. I don’t know why I had never seen this before. If I want to serve Jesus- to turn my life over to him, I must follow him. And… if I do that, I will be where Jesus is. I think (and talk) a lot about the promise that Jesus is with me, wherever I am, wherever I go. At the end of Matthew he gave that promise “…I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” But look at what he is saying in John 12. If I want to serve, and then follow him, I will be where he is.

Where is Jesus? That should be my question. Not where am I, and then invite Jesus to join me, or to just claim the promise that wherever I am, he is there. If I love my life, then it is possible that Jesus is somewhere else that I don’t want to go, don’t want to pay the cost, don’t want the trouble or suffering. So I am following him in my own way, and really deceiving myself.

Where is Jesus? That should be my question. Not to assume that he is where I am. (By the way, I am not doubting his presence with me always- theologically and Biblically that’s clear- but  being with him and his agenda is different than my being with him and his agenda).

Where is Jesus? Where was he in the Gospel accounts? With people. Serving. Healing. Focusing on the poor and the rejected and the outcasts. Loving all people. Breaking the religious and social conventions. Investing deeply in friendships. Giving his life away.

Here’s what I am thinking. Maybe I need to hold on to my plans and agenda a little more loosely. Maybe I should not assume that what I have planned is where Jesus is going to be. Maybe, after making my plans, I ask throughout the day as I execute them- “Where are you, Jesus? I want to serve you- which means I follow you, which means I will be where you are.” If I do this, I think that many times it will turn out that my plans fit with where Jesus is. But I also should not be surprised to find my plans interrupted. If that never happens, then I wonder if I am following Jesus, or if in some sense, I am glad that “Jesus is following me”. That’s probably a life that I would prefer- more comfortable, predictable- and the one I think I am supposed to “hate”.

As I leave my apartment this morning to venture out into the city, I will encounter people on the streets, the subway, the bus. Do I dare to assume that I am not just out there to go from one place to another. Do I dare ask- “Jesus, where are you? I’d like to join you- to be where you are.”